Here it is, today’s spell from “The Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells. The Ultimate Reference Book for the Magical Arts.” Why the hell do I have a spell book you might ask? See the previous posts on this topic for the back story.
[My comments in green and with square brackets; the balance of the text is straight from the book.]
** Spell Begins:
Boss Fix Powder
Is going to work a less than satisfying experience? Perhaps it’s not the job that’s the problem; maybe you have a supervisor or boss who persecutes you, picks on you, is never satisfied with your and generally makes going to work the equivalent of going to hell? You don’t want to leave your job; you’d just like your boss to leave you alone.
The Hoodoo solution is Boss Fix Powder.
According to its most extravagant promises, this spell allegedly causes supervisors to consider you with love and favor. At its more realistic, [it makes them fire you for screwing around with their personal property and stealing their cigarettes] it offers a boundary line so that at least you’ll be left alone to perform your job in peace. [until they can hire your replacement]
1. Empty the tobacco from one cigarette. (In order of preference: a cigarette that actually belonged to your boss, his or her favorite brand, any cigarette, [dry grass clippings from your front lawn])
2. Combine it with some shredded newspaper. (In order of preference: your boss’s actual newspaper, a copy of a newspaper he or she favors, any newspaper, [a sheet of paper on which you’ve written the word NEWSPAPER neatly across the top in crayon])
3. Add some chili powder and grind all the ingredients together into a fine powder. [add salt to taste]
4. Make sure the powder is fine: this is intended to be a very discreet spell. Your boss already doesn’t like you! [because you’ve stolen his paper and cigarettes]
5. When the opportunity arises, sprinkle just a tiny bit of powder on or around your boss’s chair. If that’s too much of a risk, drop a little over the threshold of the office, so that he or she will inevitably step over it. [Or even better, offer your boss a pinch of it; refer to it as ‘the finest Chinese beetle snuff’ available]
This is a highly individual spell, tailored toward one target. [unless you went the generic route and just ground up any old newspaper]. If more than one person persecutes you, make fresh Boss Fix for each person.
** Spell Ends
Alternatively, just sit down and talk to your boss and stop getting your employment advice from the Stigeon Witches.