Love the one you’re…

As I look back on this blog, I note that it’s been over a year.  I started putting down thoughts in this thing in 2003… that’s 15 years and a LOT has happened in 15 years.  I won’t recap any of it because frankly, you can go read it.  What’s important to talk or think about today is my wife…

Since last I wrote to this rather lengthy blog, I’ve broken off with my fiancee of 7+ years, fallen in love with another woman, and married her.  All that is only background, however, to what I’m actually here to say.

My wife is fat.  She’s not “husky” or “plus size” a “big girl” or “curvy” or any of that other euphemisms that we like to wrap around women and their sizes.  And I’m not a fetishist or “into” “big girls” or whatever other garbage you want to wrap around our relationship.  It annoys me to no end to think that some people would look at us and think that in order for anyone to love her would require some odd deviation from the norm on my part.  Fat isn’t a “bad word” in our house as it seems to be for many people.  It’s just another harmless adjective.

When we first met, I saw a beautiful woman full of life, not a measurement on some arbitrary scale of sizes.  While others saw a “fat girl” I saw this

How can you resist that face?  And to think that so many men passed her over, or worse yet, abused her because they thought it their right, before she found her way to me.

To be honest, I just don’t get it.  How in the world could so many men before me look at this woman and not see what I see?

She is so vibrant, so full of life, a wellspring of joy, an amazingly loving companion… she is even willing to work in the garden every summer…

Just looking back on these photos from the last few months brings tears to my eyes.  How in the world could any man think it right to crush this spirit.  I hang my head in sadness to think how many hours she spent in despair because some man who misjudged her and thought her only good as a target of his rage.

I love this woman with all my heart and soul and it makes me supremely sad to think that society in general dismisses her because she’s not a size 2.

She is my love and my life.  And I would not trade her for anything and I love and adore her exactly the size she is.

Cure: A Journey into the Science of Mind Over Body by Jo Marchant

As is usual I received this book courtesy of somewhere or other, this time Shelf Awareness.

The nutshell on this book is summed up in the subtitle rather tidily. The author investigates, in very readable fashion, the connection between our mental well being and our physical well being in every facet of interpretation which can be applied to the phrase. She starts with the placebo effect but makes her way eventually all the way to belief in God and new age medicines.

To the positive, the book is fairly well balanced while remaining upbeat and optimistic. I came away pondering how such concepts could help people I know get a better handle on their own wellness. The author is detailed and helpful but also puts the brakes on when appropriate to keep her readers from going off any dangerous cliffs. She cites numerous studies but doesn’t become bogged down by them. If I had to sum up each chapter in a few words:

Chapter 1/2 – Placebo Effect
Chapter 3 – Pavlovian Conditioning
Chapter 4 – Illusory physical performance barriers
Chapter 5 – Hypnosis
Chapter 6 – Pain Management through distraction
Chapter 7 – Impact of human connection on health
Chapter 8 – Impact of stress
Chapter 9 – Meditation
Chapter 10 – Health benefits of Friendship and Social connectedness
Chapter 11 – Vagus nerve stimulation
Chapter 12 – The Role of Religion

To the negative, the last half of the book really does begin to slide downhill and by the time you get to Chapter 12 you’ve really had enough. By the conclusion I was skimming and the last bits seemed somewhat glued on and accessory.

In summary, the author does a wonderful job of achieving balance between promoting new and somewhat unfashionable ideas and protecting readers from the quackery that has popped up in this realm as of late. I really do believe that some of the techniques in this book could be terrifically helpful and have earned further research.